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Hi everyone,
I guess the waiting game starts today - I should find out this week if I got that job or not. 

I am happy that I am halfway there to my goal of 100 lbs in 2006.  I've lost 50 lbs so far.

I'm not in a happy mood today.  My husband is a big jerk.  He is abusive to me and abuses alcohol.  I'd like to to say I hate is guts but that is just the hurt part of me talking.

I've got to clean up the kitchen today.  I did laundry all day yesterday.  I don't usually have a good Mother's Day because my husband is too busy feeling sorry for himself.  His Mother was buried the day before Mother's Day 20 years ago and I guess that means I can never have a happy Mother's Day.  He drank himself into oblivion on Saturday and we got in a big fight about it.  He does the typical alcoholic thing - if I challenge him on the drinking he starts bringing up my own deficiencies - even if they are something that happened a month ago.  He verbally abuses me to deflect the conversation until I get mad and leave him alone.  Then we just go along and pretend like nothing happened.  I hate him.  He got me a card and some flowers - I'd like to drive over them with my car.

ny_shelly 

Shelly – Thank you for your comments in my journal. I knew there was a reason for you being in my life now. I needed to hear those words because I get frustrated when the scale goes up or more like impatient. I need someone like you to keep me level headed and reasonable. I try to be patient with myself, but it does not always happen. I’ve read all the studies that show how the body will fight those last 10 or so pounds, but I just don’t want to participate in the struggle. Realistically, I know I won’t eat perfect all the time. I made the choice to eat off plan. It just would have been nice if those nachos were worth the choice.

I pray things get better at home. Emotional abuse is not good and just as stressful and damaging as any other type of abuse. I have been there and I allowed it to put me in a very low place.

Be strong Honey. I know it's hard and those words don't mean much. If your life is all you can hold onto then do that! I'll be praying for you. My husband and I used to drink back in the day. I had began to feel like he had a drinking problem at one point but he ended up leaving so oh well! I pray things get better for you.